The End of All Things to Come

SOTD: Mudvayne - Goodbye

Well, I am dropping the blogger... decided that it is time for a change! My new posts will be at

http://www.livejournal.com/users/kw33t0/

Now you can leave comments and such!
Enjoy! ;-)

Happy New Year everyone :-)

SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!! SIX MONTHS!!!!!!

I love you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much Heather!!!!!! :-)

SOTD: Cauterize - Something Beautiful

Welcome home Heather!!! I am INCREDIBLY happy that you are back home!! I missed you soo much!!!
She gave me the most wonderful present I could ever receieve... she gave me the only thing that I wanted for Christmas and I couldn't be happier!! I love her SOOOOO much!!!! Merry Christmas to EVERYONE!!!

SOTD: Finch - Letters To You
Linkin Park - My December

Today is my dad's 47th birthday! Happy birthday dad! Hope next year's is a little bit better though...


Tomorrow is Tuesday!!!! :-)
A VERY special someone is coming home!! I've miss you soo much!!!

SOTD: Finch - Letters To You

"I want you to know that, I miss you.. I miss you so"

I had the best shift I had ever had in my entire life. I was only on cash for a total of maybe 45 minutes. For the other 3 hours and 45 minutes, all I did was restock stuff, help Lewis in the back, bag for people, and do returns! I had the EASIEST shift! It went by gracefully! There is this guy I work with, he and I like to joke around with each other. Anyway, when he went out to take all of the garbages out to the bin in the back, he forgot two of them so I grabbed the bags and carried them to him and kept saying, "Hey you forgot these!" and he laughed and said, "put them down you dumb fuck!" (the stoor was closed at this point by the way) and he didn't realize that the supervisor was right behind him and she said, "Hey, don't call him that! Apologize to him right now!!" then he said, "I am sorry Kyle!" then she said, "I didn't hear that, did you hear that Kyle!?" and I said, "Nope! I think you have to go on the PA system and apologize so EVERYONE can hear it!!!" then she said, "apologize to him now!" in a joking manner and he kept saying no, so she started to say, "Okay, 3.... 2... 1.." then he apologized and I just couldn't stop laughing! Too great. Then we all went back to our jobs like it never happened. Well about 15 minutes later, he goes on the PA system and says, "I am sorry Kyle!!" and I just started to laugh SOOOOOOO hard!!!! I couldn't believe that he said that!!!! so I went on the PA system myself and said, "Its okay, I forgive you!!" then I heard a small voice echo in the distance, "Thanks Kyle!!" haahah wow.. I couldn't stop laughing!!!! then later on once I was done, I headed over to a christmas party. I dressed up with a white button shirt, a red tie, navy blue jeans, my name tag, and a sticker that says, "Dressed down for charity." thought I'd be "creative." all night.. I kept thinking about Heather and how badly I miss her. I caught up with Ryan (a really good friend of mine) at Tim Horton's at one point and he asked me out of the blue how Heather and I were doing. Its a rare thing to have guys like that care about other guys. He and I just caught up on some really old times and we just talked about our relationships... 50 bucks says that any female who is reading this must be in complete shock! Bet women didn't know that men talked about those kinda things! Well either way.. I just really miss her and I can't wait to hold her again... my body feel damaged because I can't hold her... I miss her soo much...
I LOVE YOU HEATHER!!! I know I screw up a LOT... to a point where it is pretty much discusting... Ryan said to me, "Kyle, once you've fallen in love for the first time, you won't even be able to comprehend how wonderful it is man. Fuck, I love my girlfriend more than anything, and I screw up a LOT. I love her soo much and I have never had anyone love me like she does. Just had a hard time comprehending that someone loved me soo much.. I am STILL overwhelmed with how she loves me!" It sometimes scares me how much he and I are alike. I guess that's why we have such a strong friendship despite the fact we rarely see each other. He's a good man and I just want to send a special thanks out to him for helping me and always being my friend. Okay, I this is probably the longest entry I have ever had... so I should probably stop it soon!! One more time!! I LOVE YOU HEATHER!!!!!!!!!! I MISS YOU BABY!!!!

Okay, I tried to get out of co-op at 11:00. My boss said, "Just a little longer, and we'll go" so I kept waiting and waiting... DYING to get home to see Heather... fuck, I didn't even get home until 12:10 and when I got home, I called her and her sister said that she waited for me until the point where she had to walk back to school... I fucking LOST it!!!!!!! Right now, I am feeling EXTREME rage towards my boss right now. If it wasn't for him, I would have been home on time and I could have fucking seen her one last time before she goes away until Tuesday... hgjaoihkgln a.dasdnasdk;asjda;sldj AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just can't handle it!!! I can't get her off of my mind and how incredibly fucking STUPID I am!! It's driving me nuts because I am replaying the moment where I said something completely stupid when I meant something completely different. I just couldn't even fucking think properly and now look where I am. I am pretty much on the verge of losing the only fucking thing in this universe that has made me remotely happy, and even fucking LOVED me!!! I am absolutely discusted in myself. I just... I... I want her to forgive me.. more than ANYTHING. I just couldn't handle being without her. I treated her like complete shit and because I had someone so wonderful like her, I became arrogant and thought, "I have a fantastic girlfriend, great job, and nothing in my life is going wrong" so I was completely blinded with my arrogant thoughts. I need to grow up BIG time. I still act like a child yet most people think I am "mature"... yeah fucking right. I still act like a child and because of it, I am pretty much going to lose her... I'd do anything to keep her... I mean that from the bottom of my heart... I have never wanted anything so badly in my entire life!!!!! Ugh it is driving me INSANE!!! I can't handle my idiocy and stupidity, and she put up with me for 6 months... I am such a fucking child...

awake... all night... tossing and turning thinking about the potential horrifying outcome... the more I thought about not having her... the more I wanted to go grab a knife and cut my tongue of for saying such stupid things.... I am the WORST person at explaining things..... all I kept thinking about was hoping that she'd let me explain myself and maybe even forgive me.... it even got to a point where I was sincerely praying to God..... I also thought about going to see her today... I just kept constantly saw it as me going to her doorstep, her opening the door, looking at me with extreme discust then slapping me in the face then slamming the door in my face then me falling to my hands and knees in the snow... if only I hadn't have been so stubborn... if only I could actually describe what I mean instead of being a babbling idiot... maybe I should go bang my head against the wall... or cut my tongue out... or both.... either way, my life has come to a point of extreme judgement because I have become so stubborn, arrogant, cocky, and pigheaded that I am being punished.... I have never gone through such misery in my life.... I have never had anyone love me so it is an EXTREMELY sour feeling to know that I will potentially lose that. My life would be SHIT without her... I hope she forgives me...

Attention everyone who knows me in person. If you are truly my friend, you will come up to me and you will hit me as hard as you can in any possible manner. I don't give a fuck, because frankly, I deserve it for the way I have been. You don't even have to explain yourself, just come up to me, hit me, and you can even just walk away! If you are wonderful why I am saying this, then you must have a problem because I am no better than a pile of shit. I make Heather feel like complete shit, plain and simple. She is a wonderful person and I bring her such misery which she doesn't deserve. If you are my friend and you respect, like, love, or have some form or appreciation towards me, you will hit me. I will take any amount of physical pain as a punishment... I probably deserve to have Heather break up with me... but I don't want that, not EVER!!! Any amount of physical pain would be a pleasure compaired to the anguish I would face if Heather were to break up with me. I just really want her in my life and I can't afford to lose her. She cares for my stupid, sorry sack of an excuse of a being and I will NEVER EVER find anyone like her, trust me, I WON'T!!! Okay, one last time... PLEASE HIT ME!!!!!!! I am BEGGING!!